Stressful Day

IT's 5:30am and i can't sleep any more.

Deb and i had a HUGE row before she left for work last night. She got pissed about something dumb and got in my face and raised her voice. I got very angry and said some hurtful words i now regret. She left for work without saying goodbye; i didn't tell her i love her and i cried myself to sleep. I woke up only an hour or so later and couldn't leave things as they were so i tried calling her only to hear her cell phone ringing in our living room. I tried calling her at work and was told she wasn't there. I didn't leave a message. She called me an hour later to apologize again, she had tried before she got ready for work but i was too hurt and angry to accept it. I told her i had called to tell her that i love her...she said she wasn't told that i called...but then, i really hadn't left a message either. She said she loves me too. I still feel really crappy about our fight.

I don't know if that's why i can't sleep, or if it's because i'm really anxious about today...

My Dad is having major surgery. He's never had surgery before. He's been a relatively healthy man his whole life. He is scared out of his mind! And that makes me scared too. I've not seen him but maybe twice or three times since Christmas, life gets busy as we get older and time goes by so fast. We used to stop by his house more often when we were out that way every day having been in the same town caring for my brother's children. But ever since that part of hell has gone away, we just don't have the time or make the time to take the drive out there. I hate the traffic out their way and avoid it like crazy. We only have one vehicle, so that adds to the time limits of going for a visit. Dad & Lynn sometimes stop by here if they've been out this way to the Dunes for a hike, but that's not been for a couple of months now. Since then they've been to the Tetons for their yearly excursion (ditching us all for Father's day, you may recall from an earlier post?)...and just last week they were in Memphis for a family wedding...so no 4th of July party at their house and we'd have missed it anyway with Deb working.

We're planning today to have Deb take a nap when she gets home from work and then for us to head over to the hospital to sit and wait with my Step-Mom, Lynn. I think all of us other kids work daytime hours and Lynn's Mom might otherwise sit with her but she's in a different hospital at the same time recovering from her most recent symptoms of congestive heart failure...needless to say, Lynn could really use the support today and i need to know that my Dad is going to be ok.

I'm really wondering how my 58 year old Father is going to handle hip-replacement surgery? This man, who I remember in my youth...under his 1970 Nova in our garage-trying to fix it himself, building an additional bathroom in one of our homes, bailing out flood water, laying tiling, building shelves, hanging wallpaper, painting siding, playing softball with his work buddys, fixing old TVs and stereos he'd find out in the trash and then selling them for side-work, cutting down trees in our yard, putting on a new roof, planting gardens, taking us camping, leading hikes, holding up a tent during a huge thunderstorm up in Colorado while the rest of us slept, decorating the outside of his home for Christmas as if he were Clark Griswold himself...always tinkering...always going on day trips and hiking adventures...will now be motionless for a while. He has no, "sit-down" hobbies, he's not much of a reader other than the newspaper.

Deb and i have asked him if he'd be interested in gathering up old slides and 8mm movie reels and giving us a show or two at some point during his recovery. Now that i'm older than 12, i think i'd have a much better appreciation for all of the slides and footage from when he was in the Navy during Vietnam. I'd like to hear his stories again and see if now that i'm an adult, we might get some other stories out of him? We've done a bit of research to find that his ship was involved with shooting down some enemy planes, so i'd like to know more about that and how it felt to be a part of that...what his specific job was on those days. Maybe digging out all of the stuff would get him interested in putting it ALL...and there's a LOT...on DVD somehow and that could be his recovery hobby? We're talking, footage from ship deck, equator crossing rituals, local footage in Perth, Australia and Hong Kong...and those are just the places i remember off the top of my head, that's not to mention family stuff from the Mountains in Northern, CA...were i was cute and little in my red snowsuit...and footage from Long Beach and wherever else my folks lived while he was stationed out West.

An interesting side note: My Dad still has and uses stereo equipment that he bought while he was in Hong Kong in the late 60's/early 70's. Turn-table, tuner, reel-to-reel player & reel-to-reel recorder/player...all encased in some gorgeous wood...their 4 matching speakers with amazing lattice work across the front...some damaged by reckless children playing. I remain innocent of that, i'm sure!

Well, i've rambled for almost an hour and it's helped a bit. I'll check in tomorrow with an update. Have a great Friday everyone...i'll be in Dyer, IN-sitting in a hospital waiting room...knitting. and then after all is well with Dad, in Griffith installing memory in Mom's PC...i'm such a good kid!

~Suz~